i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
