you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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