I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Randomize
