I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
