I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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