What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Randomize
