He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
