i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
