awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
