That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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