The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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