Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
