i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
