Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
