Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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