i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
