My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
its not stalking. its research.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Alive.
So much puke
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
