it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
