and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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