life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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