I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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