My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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