Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
