yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
