I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
