Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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