Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
