i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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