I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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