My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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