p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
