i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
