you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
