Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
im holly from the hills drunk
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
