I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
