I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
