In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
