no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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