So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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