if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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