That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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