Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
