I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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