I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
