I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
