The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
How does it feel to date your dad?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
