Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
