I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
