i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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