I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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